I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
