I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
