if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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