Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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