it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
