no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
