he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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