I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
