So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
