I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I think I just sharted jello shots
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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