We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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