she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
