take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
