Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
