ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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