Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
