just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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