i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
