We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
