Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
