good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
