we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
