I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
