We named our party play list daddy issues
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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