hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
