he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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