so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
