He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
