My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Soap is not a condiment
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
