he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
