Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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