Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
