he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
