he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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