1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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