Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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