Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Congratulations! We have a period
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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