is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
