Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
