oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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