It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
