Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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