I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
