ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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