I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
