We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
