At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
