can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
