Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
