Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There are leaves in my underwear?
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