listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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