Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
