So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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