Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
